donderdag 19 maart 2015

"I forgive myself for enjoying life"

Do you feel angry with yourself every now and then? I do. More often than I would like. So, like always when I'm aware of a pattern that's holding me from being happy, I'm looking for a way to change this. Let's tell you about my latest discovery and share with you what has helped me to feel good about myself.

Today I was walking outside with my new born Jeara (10-02-2015). The sun was shining and Jeara was sleeping in a purple wrap close to my heart. I was on my way to the shopping street, looking for new baby whipes and since I was on maternity leave, I had all the time in the world to find them. Reading this, you would say all the ingredients were there to have a perfect day. And yet, I felt sad and angry.

Like a lot of times when I'm experiencing negative feelings, my Ego was talking to me angrily:

"Laurene, you should really be working right now. I mean, you have all the time, why aren't you helping people?! You know God wants you to spend every minute devoting to your life's purpose and that means work, work, work. How can you feel good walking here by the way, while Marieke is working 5 days a week and earning all the money? You didn't make a profit in the last months and you were only being a lazy pregnant women, weren't you? You're a bad partner and a worthless being."

Even though I know a lot about affirmations, angels and spiritual laws, I agreed with my Ego. For a few minutes, at least. In these minutes I asked my angels to help me. I had no particular prayer, I just asked: '

"PLEASE DEAR ANGELS, CAN YOU HELP ME FEEL BETTER?"

At first I noticed two passers-by walking with a suitcase. One of the suitcases was red and the other pink. "Oh wow, they must head to a wonderful place full of adventure!" This was a little sparkle litting the fire of my imagination and soon I was dreaming about a world trip, having a second house in a sunny country and speaking at events to inspire and help people as a spiritual teacher.

It was only a minute later that I arrived at the shopping street and had to wait for a car to pass. Unconsciously I registrated a lot of things of the car: it was a small car and probably a girl's, because it was pink all-over. And I mean the cotton candy kind-of-color. Hey, wait a minute! Pink again. Archangel Jophiels color. My vision of a second house in a sunny country was immediately replaced with this car in front of me. I smiled. Of course, Jophiel, the Archangel that helps us to think beautiful thoughts and appreciate the beauty around us. Since I was clearly angry at myself, she was there to help me change my thoughts and to remind me to be kind to myself. To allow myself to be. 

WHAT WAS THE LAST TIME I FORGAVE MYSELF?

I couldn't remember. So I started to examine my thoughts and feelings. I was feeling angry because...

... I wasn't making any money, only spending it.

... I had the time to do what I want and Marieke didn't have that opportunity since she works 40 hours a week on a contract-base

... there was another really frightening feeling hidden in a small corner: happiness. 

AND I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL HAPPY AS LONG AS ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND ME DIDN' T EXPERIENCE THE SAME HAPPINESS AS WELL. 

Bang! The realization hit me and I felt like a boxer who just got punched by his opponent. I was laying on the floor of negativity and I didn't see it coming. Fortunately I was blessed with a good fighters' mentality, so I pulled myself back together and was determined to get up again. 

I HAD TO GET TO A PLACE OF LOVE. I HAD TO CHANGE MY THOUGHTS IN ORDER TO SHIFT MY EMOTIONS AND THE WHOLE SITUATION I WAS IN. 

"I forgive myself for taking the time to relax"
"I forgive myself that I have all the time to do what I want"
"I forgive myself for enjoying life"

Within seconds, I felt so much better. Weight was lifted. My energy changed. I suddenly looked at my beautiful daughter, feeling my heart almost explode of love while whishing for Marieke to experience the same feelings. And I realised that relaxation was key to allow new things to come into my life. Like new ideas to help others. Or an idea for a new article ;)

Over to you:

Do you recognize any of the above? Strange and at the same time interesting, isn't it, how our Ego's can make us feel bad while we have so much to be grateful for? A lot of times we feel bad for experiencing more joy, abundance or wealth than the people around us. While the angels are always showing me there is enough for everyone and the energy of joy even helps us to attract what we want. So we have more to share with others.

Do you feel angry at yourself for some reason? And is your Ego attacking you all the time with many 'need-to's', 'should-do's' or 'had-to's'? When you're looking for a change, take a moment to examine - and maybe even write down - your thoughts and forgive yourself. You can even share it with others if you like, so you can help each other along the way. You can also declare it in the comments below. I'd love to read it!


If you'd like to get some support with forgivess and healing, you can contact me. I'd love to see you happy!

1 opmerking:

  1. Mooi beschreven voorbeeld en heel herkenbaar: even lekker chillen en dan jezelf storen met 'moet-gedachten'. Jezelf vergeven is een prachttip!

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